Quotes of the Week
Posted 4/15/2010 by cal
JamBase commissioned me to go see John Mayer on
Monday, which was weird. I'd spent some time reading his recent Playboy
and Rolling
Stone (too paranoid about the decline of print media to put
the story online...) interviews, so I was sitting in the audience
watching this suave rock star after just reading way more details about
his sex life than I ever wanted to know (and zilch about his music).
My favorite moment?
We all know the quaint litany of life lessons that includes "dance
like nobody's watching", right? Attributed to everyone from Mark Twain
to Satchel Paige, appropriated by everyone from Shirley MacLaine
to Keller
Williams. Between songs, Mayer stumbled upon his own version:
"Dance like somebody's silently judging you, smile like there's a gun to
your head."
It was funny at the time.
But the real winner for the week (and if there were a real award, he'd
win it damn near every week) is Art
Kumbalek, my favorite expert on anything ever, who has come up
with perhaps his greatest invention yet, the Home Drinking Helmet.
Furthermore:
"Hey, if I attached a pint-sized videocam to the helmet, I could collect
Drinking-Helmet tapes from around the world and peddle the most
spectacular ones to some kind of Focks network reality show, who ought
to jump out of their drawers for the chance to pay me for the rights to 'The
World’s Deadliest Self-Inflicted Drunken Boo-Boos and Oopsies!'
And if they didn’t want it, I’m sure the History Channel or Discovery
Channel would bite, ain’a?"
I'd sure as hell watch that show. Genius.
Have a great weekend, everybody!